Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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