i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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