i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
