he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
