Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
