just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
