My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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