It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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