dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
