very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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