I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
