no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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