Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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