:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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