I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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