I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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