Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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