His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i was born a porn star she said
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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