Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize