I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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