Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
