Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
