My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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