I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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