so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
