my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
