New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
