Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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