my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
