If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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