Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
