sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
