I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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