is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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