hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
