If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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