I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The feeling are messing with the penis
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
