I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You were trust falling into bushes
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
