So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize