People in love make me want to vomit
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize