It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
