i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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