I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
