i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
