He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
