It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize