Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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