Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
