I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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