my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
