I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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