Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
