someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
