like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
