I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize