The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
