I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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