I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
