how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
