I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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