$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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