i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
