I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My liver just had a heart attack.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
