He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
