Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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