O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
