but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
