Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
