You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
