sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Pappa wants mamma naked
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
