I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
