we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize