Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
