There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
