remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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