I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
