I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
ttyl tear gas
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
