I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
