I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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