I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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