We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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