They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We need to rekindle our bromance
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
