We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
