Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize