1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
