It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
