So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
