This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I touched a dick in church today
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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