If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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