like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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