oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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