sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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