my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Reggie can tackle my bush.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
