I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize