can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
