Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
