They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
