ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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