Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
