you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize