Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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