you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
