I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
