dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
