I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
