someone get that fucking seahorse.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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