I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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