Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Your penis caused this!
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