I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
